A Big Mouth is Easier to Trip Over

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A Big Mouth is Easier to Trip Over

“I do”. Cue music. Enter happiness. Escape misery. You are now a beautiful couple, destined for grace, abundance, and bliss. Right? That depends on who/what you are saying “I do” to. Let me explain, in the early 1900’s not being married was quite rare, and divorce was even more seldom. Per the CDC, from 1920-1940, divorces were marginally low. [2] The primary reason was early Americans’ view of marriage was quite conventional or even “traditional”, whatever that means. They exalted the institution of marriage as something sacred and righteous, which it is, and did it mainly because that was the norm. But the problem was they did not necessarily say “I do” to that person opposite of them, in front of the “man of the cloth”, but to being married in general. Sure, they stuck it out in regards to not really getting divorced, but that’s all they did, they endured. Cue 1945-1967. A general diagram from the CDC shows a horrible phenomenon.[3]

A tremendous growth in divorces occurred. Now there are many factors at play, I am sure. But let me propose the core facet: the philosophy of marriage changed. They went from dehumanizing the composition of marriage to the other side of the pendulum: over-legalizing it. Or alternatively said, they went from making it an obligation to a contract. In the 1950’s marriage became nullifiable just off the basis for being unsatisfied with the other partner. That is to say, “You are not giving me what I want, so I am leaving”. A contract.  But the honest, correct, and Godly view is relationally focused and in the middle of that pendulum. It’s not an obligation, it’s not a contract, it’s a commitment.

            My wife and I are babies in the matrimonial world. But we have experienced so much in that little amount of time. And we have stayed true to each other because of one simple truth: I said yes to her in all that she is and she said yes to me in all that I am, no more and no less. I did not say yes to the things she can give me. I did not say yes to the concept of marriage. I said yes to the loving, honest, feisty, God-honoring, family oriented, woman she is. I said yes to her failures and short comings too. I don’t expect her to have it all together, I don’t expect her to respond to every situation ideally. I don’t expect anything from her. Here is why.

            When you think of the word integrity what do you think? When I think of that word I imagine a man in a suit with a noble posture. Integrity, in laymen’s terms, means to do what you say you’re going to do. Now, if we were to be held exactly to everything we said- I mean to the letter- we would choose our words very carefully, right?  Well, why don’t we? I remember being at the court house for a family member and listening to the Latin American judge offer wisdom to a Latin American teen. And after a long diatribe, the judge stopped talking and said, “real men choose their words carefully, stay away from the chatterboxes”. I thought about that for a while and did an inventory on myself and came to the uncomfortable conclusion that I talked too much. I over committed myself. I didn’t think before I agreed to something. Which in turn may suggested not only an immaturity but a lack of integrity. So, I worked on that, it has been an ongoing process. But here is my point, when I said "I do" I effectively said, “I take you as you are, not as you should be” and to expect anything more of her lacks integrity. But here is the other part, I made vows….

“The first to speak in court sounds right, until the cross-examination begins.” Proverb 18:17 NLT

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[1] http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2007/startracks/071008/kate_hudson2.jpg
[2] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_21/sr21_024.pdf

[3] Ibid. 8.