A Big Mouth is Easier to Trip Over

[1]

A Big Mouth is Easier to Trip Over

“I do”. Cue music. Enter happiness. Escape misery. You are now a beautiful couple, destined for grace, abundance, and bliss. Right? That depends on who/what you are saying “I do” to. Let me explain, in the early 1900’s not being married was quite rare, and divorce was even more seldom. Per the CDC, from 1920-1940, divorces were marginally low. [2] The primary reason was early Americans’ view of marriage was quite conventional or even “traditional”, whatever that means. They exalted the institution of marriage as something sacred and righteous, which it is, and did it mainly because that was the norm. But the problem was they did not necessarily say “I do” to that person opposite of them, in front of the “man of the cloth”, but to being married in general. Sure, they stuck it out in regards to not really getting divorced, but that’s all they did, they endured. Cue 1945-1967. A general diagram from the CDC shows a horrible phenomenon.[3]

A tremendous growth in divorces occurred. Now there are many factors at play, I am sure. But let me propose the core facet: the philosophy of marriage changed. They went from dehumanizing the composition of marriage to the other side of the pendulum: over-legalizing it. Or alternatively said, they went from making it an obligation to a contract. In the 1950’s marriage became nullifiable just off the basis for being unsatisfied with the other partner. That is to say, “You are not giving me what I want, so I am leaving”. A contract.  But the honest, correct, and Godly view is relationally focused and in the middle of that pendulum. It’s not an obligation, it’s not a contract, it’s a commitment.

            My wife and I are babies in the matrimonial world. But we have experienced so much in that little amount of time. And we have stayed true to each other because of one simple truth: I said yes to her in all that she is and she said yes to me in all that I am, no more and no less. I did not say yes to the things she can give me. I did not say yes to the concept of marriage. I said yes to the loving, honest, feisty, God-honoring, family oriented, woman she is. I said yes to her failures and short comings too. I don’t expect her to have it all together, I don’t expect her to respond to every situation ideally. I don’t expect anything from her. Here is why.

            When you think of the word integrity what do you think? When I think of that word I imagine a man in a suit with a noble posture. Integrity, in laymen’s terms, means to do what you say you’re going to do. Now, if we were to be held exactly to everything we said- I mean to the letter- we would choose our words very carefully, right?  Well, why don’t we? I remember being at the court house for a family member and listening to the Latin American judge offer wisdom to a Latin American teen. And after a long diatribe, the judge stopped talking and said, “real men choose their words carefully, stay away from the chatterboxes”. I thought about that for a while and did an inventory on myself and came to the uncomfortable conclusion that I talked too much. I over committed myself. I didn’t think before I agreed to something. Which in turn may suggested not only an immaturity but a lack of integrity. So, I worked on that, it has been an ongoing process. But here is my point, when I said "I do" I effectively said, “I take you as you are, not as you should be” and to expect anything more of her lacks integrity. But here is the other part, I made vows….

“The first to speak in court sounds right, until the cross-examination begins.” Proverb 18:17 NLT

---

[1] http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2007/startracks/071008/kate_hudson2.jpg
[2] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_21/sr21_024.pdf

[3] Ibid. 8.

Through the Bullhorn

Through the Bullhorn

I remember growing up, being a riotous child, my father would often have to get my attention. He had various avenues for doing so. If he wanted me to “dig my own grave” and let me realize it, he’d be silent. Or he would let my mother pinch me, if I was mildly acting out in public. But the most memorable, and frightening, was the snap of the belt… that’s when you cease all movement. Our God, like my father, has various avenues at getting our attention. He can be silent (look at some of David’s Psalms), He can be a calm persistent voice (1 Kings 19:12), or a loud bullhorn (Paul on his way to Damascus). But, God will get our attention, you can bet the bank.

Our American lives are filled with motion, noise, distractions, and rare little prayers. And with that, God is jealous for the time we spend on other things. Now this may seem like a given, but it’s a lot more prevalent then we think. Let’s look at two examples. First, we have the Christian named Phyllis who goes to Church once a month. Phyllis works full time as sales associate, has two kids who have hobbies, and attends a book club every Thursday. With parent teacher meetings, after school events, homework for her book club, quotas to meet at work, she just feels like she doesn’t have time for anything else. Second, we have a Christian named Terry who is very involved with his church. Terry is a IT tech at a major corporation, volunteers as a teacher on Sundays, is on the deacon board at church, and has a family of four. Terry feels good about what he does, but feels like he can do more. Both of these people, in this fictional example, have one thing in common: they are focusing on what they do, not who they do it for. Paul says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NIV). The question is, “am I living this out”?

I recently, received a bullhorn call from God. Where I was forced into looking at one issue: do I find my worth in what I do or who God is. And I found myself saying yes to the former. Throughout my walk with Christ I elevated Christianity over Christ: first, while in school it was theology, second it was ministry. And with all of that my worth was as a potential pastor, not as a child of a loving God. See, back to my examples, many ministers won’t identify with either Phyllis or Terry separately but rather combined. We pour our hearts into ministry and become enveloped by its importance, like Terry, but are like Phyllis in where we lose time in communion with God. So, what can we learn from Paul’s bullhorn experience with Christ? Let’s look at Acts 9:3-9

As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. ⁴ He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?”

⁵“Who are you, lord?” Saul asked.

And the voice replied, “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! ⁶ Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

⁷ The men with Saul stood speechless, for they heard the sound of someone’s voice but saw no one! ⁸ Saul picked himself up off the ground, but when he opened his eyes he was blind. So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus. ⁹ He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink.

First, God let him think. He was there for three days without any answer from God. Jesus interrupted Saul (Paul’s name before his conversion) and all his plans, then just left him to reflect. Talk about torturous! Second, Paul repented in verse nine: he… did not eat or drink. Paul didn’t just reflect, he reflected on himself. And sometimes that is not a fun task. So, when God shouts through the bullhorn, we need to take time to reflect and repent. And I bet when you do that, like Saul did, you will find that your worth is in God and God alone.