Mirror mirror in the crib.

    My baby boy is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It is strange to know that a person will look up to you for not only support and guidance, but virtue (integrity, love, work ethic, patience, etc...). This little person is utterly hopeless without his mom and dad, for now. However....

    This child of mine reveals in me parts that I wish did not exist. Though it's true that, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend" (Pr. 27:17 NLT), God is refining me more through my baby. As most parents would admit, or so I have found through a poll I conducted, they have became furious with their infant child, at least once. I have felt this more recently than I wish to admit. 

     It is frightening to see this part of you rise up towards a person that is absolutely dependent on you for love. I am finding out that God uses children to expose in you character flaws. Now, I am not saying that I have given into any frustration, please hear that, but that I have felt them. So, here I am a man of God, who has been given a wonderful gift and an amazing responsibility, broken down by a person who cannot even walk or talk. As Paul said, "What a wretched man I am" (Ro. 7:24 ESV). But here is a smidgen of hope...

      Before I knew Jesus, I was not a man at all. Now, I do not mean I was monstrous or anything dramatic, but merely a boy. I ran with my desires/away from responsibility: drugs, drinking, and dreams. I was emotional, irrational, and impractical. If I were to stay in that state there would be no way that I could have the life I have now (not to say that my life is ideal for everyone, just perfect for me). Thus, it can be said, and I believe it is the case that, Jesus has made me who I am. Therefore, if Christ has done this so far then I know He will do more in me. So, for my son's sake I keep in mind the saying "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" (italics added, Phil. 1:6 NASB).  

Fear, Want, and Love.

      I recently became a father, which forces a man to see the world through a microscope. And in that microscope are your fears and doubts, slowly consuming everything else like a virus and its host. Before I became a father the thought of my wife dying during labor was small, or the thought of losing my son was close to none. Yet, our son, Josiah Oliver Acheson, was born five weeks premature and my wife's condition was not so well. It was not a good feeling to be so helpless, but it was a lesson to be learned. See, I have been a dad for only four days, three hours, and eight minutes; but I have witnessed a glimpse of what my life could be like, and how easy it can be to fall into a very real trap.

      I saw my son covered in tubes, my wife bleeding more than usual, and my boy in a  plastic box that was helping him breathe. In those moments I wanted to do more, but I couldn't. If I had to, I would have sacrificed anything for them. As I looked at my son, resembling a lab experiment, I started to fear his future. I began to wonder if he was going to be a drug addict like some of those in my family, if he was going to be a rebel like I was but not snap out of it, if he was going to give into the depression that runs in my family, etc... But something resounded in me, like a throb to let me know something was wrong; it was Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." I then realized that here I am, looking at my son who is in trouble now and I am worrying about what he is going to be like when he is 16. He needed me then and he will need me then. A father's fear is a burden that is heavy, but his love needs to be strong enough to carry that burden.



       When I look to see what I need to be as a husband and a father I look, as a man should, to God. What does He show us?

• He gives discipline (2 Chronicles 34:22-25)
• He tells the truth even when it hurts (Luke 22:34)
• He does what is necessary, even if it is painful (John 3:16)
• He serves (Matthew 20:28)

See, there are things out of my control, wifes health, babies health, etc... But there are things in my control. As long as I do my responsibilities and love those who God has given me to care for, I can sleep well and live peacefully.